once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
