i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
this hospital has no fireball
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
