Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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