Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
