I wannas sexs uuuuu
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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