It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
