ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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