Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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