You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
