WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
