Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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