last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
