I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
