Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
