I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
