OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
foreskin is a definite game changer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
