So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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