....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
