Just fell off a train. Bad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
