You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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