I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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