He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
