Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
