i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
