Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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