cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
