My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
