for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
They have beer where we have blood.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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