We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
