My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
