p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think i have two assholes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
