it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
