It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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