So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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