I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
