We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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