I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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