My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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