I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
