You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
