you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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