Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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