Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
