they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
