did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
