my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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