why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
