96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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