Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
