trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My penis needs a shock collar
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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