took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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