the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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