you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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