I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
