I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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