I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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