My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
