If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
