Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
