$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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