We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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