didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
