I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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