Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
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