at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
