I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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