Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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